


Secret Indulgences

by rushlwms



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Drama, First Kiss, First Time, Logic versus emotions, M/M, POV First Person, POV Kirk, hard decisions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-05
Packaged: 2018-04-25 01:20:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4941223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rushlwms/pseuds/rushlwms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Captain's Log: Star Date thirty five, sixty five, point one. We've returned to the planet of Tantillus, the Land of Amusement, for a well deserved shore leave. Last time we were here, after a few frightening mishaps, we were pleased to learn that anyone, anything, or any event recalled from our memories or created with our imaginations could be manufactured for our enjoyment. My crew and I had long awaited our return to this planet. Unfortunately, a horrible mistake was made that may have cost me my First Officer.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tantalizing

We established an orbit around Tantillus at 0600 hours, ship time. Spock, Bones, Sulu, and I beamed down to the surface to meet with the caretaker of the planet. We wanted to make sure everything was as we remembered; it was. All of us, except for one, were very excited.

 “Spock, will you be joining us for shore leave this time around?”

 “Negative, Captain. If I were in need of rest, which I am not, I would not be provided the opportunity to do so if I remained on the surface of this planet. Quite the opposite in fact.

 “And why is that, Mr. Spock?”

 “As I have explained before, Captain, Vulcans believe in rest in its purest form – inactivity. During our time of rest we cease to use energy, except for the most vital of bodily functions. Tantillus would offer far too much stimulation to allow for rest. If you recall, the last time we were here, a tiger chased us, a fighter jet shot at us, a samurai attacked us, and –”

 “Yes. Yes. Very well, Mr. Spock. Since you insist on being a party pooper -”

 “Party pooper, Captain?”

 “Since you insist on returning to the ship, I give you the task of beaming down the landing parties once your back aboard. After that, please do enjoy your three days of – inactivity.”

 “Thank you, Captain. While I won't be resting, I will definitely take advantage of this time and possibly engage in some deep meditation or perhaps partake in some classic literature.”

 “Sounds … exciting.”

 

* * *

 

The days are longer on Tantillus than on Earth, so there were plenty of daylight hours to soak in the sun and smell both the natural and the manufactured flowers. Six hours had past since Spock returned to the ship. All three of the shore leave parties had been transported down to the surface of the planet and all were greatly enjoying themselves.

 “You haven't seen any white rabbits with pocket watches so far have you Bones?”

 “Always with the jokes. For your information, I've learned to better mind my thoughts since our last rendezvous here. Instead of characters from old children's stories, I now imagine dozens of beautiful, exotic women. Ah, here come's one with my drink now.”

 “More cabaret dancers?” I asked with a grin as I gazed upon the women dressed in fur-covered bikinis with feathers in their hair.

 “But of course. We're on shore leave, on an amusement planet. What could be better than being surrounded by close friends, gorgeous women, and cool drinks? I'll see you later, Jim. Time to relax. Doctor's orders.”

 “Enjoy yourself Bones – just not too much,” I said with smile.

 After exchanging words with the good doctor, I headed towards one of the natural lakes on the planet.

The planet was naturally devoid off living creatures, as least not any our tricoders could discern. Now the planet was animated and alive with all of our imagined creations running around. For instance, at the lake, Scotty was there with a few of his engineering buddies actually fishing and drinking scotch. The lake didn't have any indigenous species, but since Scotty and the others wanted a fishing trip, they were granted fish for their indulgence. Sulu was practicing his swordsmanship with some armor-clad, medieval looking soldier and Uhuru was singing to small woodland creatures while Spock played the lyre.

  _Guess Spock decided to join us._

 “I'm glad you've decided to partake in shore leave, Mr. Spock,” I said as I walked towards him and Lieutenant Uhuru.

 “Oh, Captain, this isn't Spock. I mean … it is Spock. It's just not the real Spock. He, this one, is just one of the planet's fabrications.”

 “Oh really? It never dawned on me that we could conjure each other.”

 “Nor to me, Captain. I did it last time by accident when I was thinking about you that time we thought we lost you in space. No sooner the thought left my mind, you appeared from around a tree, in a full astronaut's suit, just like the one I remembered you in.”

 “Really? That's … I guess that's Tantillus for you. Tell me, how did I act? Were you able to direct my actions and words?”

 “I didn't try, but you acted just as I had remembered, just as Spock is doing now. I did notice that the person can not be present. If they are, nothing is made.”

 “Thank you, Lieutenant. You've just made my day and given it so much more potential.”

 I thoroughly enjoyed the day. I had a few drinks, some fish, some laughs, and even a pet lion for a few hours. It was quite a sensation to have a lion roll onto its back and purr at me as I played with it. I even engaged in a chess game with my own fabricated Spock, since real Spock refused to join in on the fun. It didn't play as well as the real thing, but it was enjoyable nevertheless.

 Once the day turned into night many sought shelter for the evening. A few found caves while others chose to imagine luxurious log cabins equipped with large fire places and bear-skinned rugs. For those of us who enjoyed the outdoors and the evening as much as the day, we camped out and enjoyed the gentle breezes off the nearby lakes, the chirping of crickets, and the luminescence of fireflies. Scotty, Chekov, Bones, and myself even played a few hands of spades by the camp fire before heading to bed. It had been a long day, but a restful one – at least by human standards. Now it was time to get some sleep.

 I pitched an old-fashion tent further away from the lake, on a more grassy patch of land. Once inside, I took off my boots, removed my regulation shirt, unbuckled my pants, and got comfortable on my blanket. The combination of the grass beneath my tent and the blanket provided just enough cushion for me to be comfortable.

 The planet also had a pleasant temperature, even in the evening. I was surprisingly quite warm and content without a sleeping bag. It felt like the early days of summer back home. Just as I felt my eyes getting heavy, my communicator sounded.

 “Captain speaking.”

 “Sorry to disturb you, Captain. Will you or any others be returning to the ship to sleep? I ask because I will be retiring shortly and there will be no one manning the transporter room until morning, unless of course there's an emergency.”

 I peaked out from my tent.

 “No, it looks like all those present are quite comfortable with remaining here on the planet's surface. You have a good evening, Mr. Spock.”

 “Likewise, Captain.”

  _Spock. Always on duty. Always thinking of others. Absolutely essential._ _Good night, Spock._

 

* * *

 

 The following morning, after a most realistic dream, I awoke to the feel of a firm object pressed against my back. In fact, it was pressed against the entire length of my body, spooning me from behind. _Should I dare look over my shoulder?_ I looked.

 “Good morning, Jim. I trust your night was restful.”

 “Yes. Yes it was. More so than expected. I suspect you had something to do with that.”

 “Captain, my modesty.”

 I turned over and looked the mechanical contrivance in its oh so realistic eyes.

 “I know you're not Spock, but I still get much satisfaction from your presence.” I was speaking more to myself than the creation. _How I_ _wish i_ _could_ _have_ _the real you_ _once I part from this plane_ _t._

 Spock, like the good doctor, was someone I could depend on through thick and thin; But unlike Leonard, who offered emotional support, Spock offered emotional balance. On many occasions, he's doused my fire with logic before I could go too far off the emotional deep end. All but one fire that is.

 Many a night I've spent in my quarters daydreaming about that man. _I love women, but he … he offers a different type of stimulation; he arouses a different type of desire._ I've never seen him with anyone. I've never heard him mention any other relationships or bonds since T'Pring. _Maybe he finds flirting, courting, and dating illogical, since_ _bonds of marriage_ _are arranged on Vulcan._ _Who_ _know_ _s?_

 There have been numerous times I've tried to stoke his fire of emotions, but to no avail. _I know they're in there. He just has so much control over them._ What did I expect? He was raised as a Vulcan and his Vulcan ancestors spent thousands of years purging their emotions and embracing logic. Besides, that is what Spock wants – to emulate and live as a Vulcan. But once, just once, I would have loved for him to have exposed his other side. _Doesn't hurt to imagine._

 After an additional thirty minutes of being wrapped up in fake Spock's arms, I finally ventured out of my tent. Luckily, fake Spock didn't follow me out. Everyone would have saw him and that would have been hard to explain away.

 I felt a little dirty, so I beamed aboard the enterprise to take a sonic shower. I also changed into a casual pair of slacks and a light shirt. I then headed to the ship rec room, just to peek in. There were very few crew members there, as was expected. I had a cup of coffee, with some toast and jam, and a few slices of replicated bacon.

 “May I join you, Captain?”

 I almost choked off my bacon. All I could do was gesture for him to sit.

 “Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.”

 “It's okay. I was just lost in thought. So how was your day, yesterday?”

 “Quite pleasant,” he responded before taking a spoonful of his Vulcan Plomeek soup.

 “Care to elaborate?”

 “I performed some rather extensive experiments I'd been wanting to do to since we left Alterus VI. I may have found a remedy to the Alterian flu that's suitable for humans.”

 “I'm sure Doctor McCoy will be happy to hear that. It took nearly four weeks for the virus to finally die and exit the bodies of the patients. The good doctor had his hands full.”

 “Indeed.”

 Spock and I spoke for a little while longer before he excused himself from the table. I tried to encourage him to come to the surface, but to no avail. Once he was gone, I finished up my coffee and placed my dishware in the sonic washer. Then I headed to the transporter room to beam back down to the planet's surface.

 It appeared that my crew men were being a bit more creative on this second day od shore leave. When I looked around, all I could see were Ferris wheels, merry go rounds, and fun houses. I guess since we were visiting the Land of Amusement, everyone agreed to combine their imaginations and create an amusement park. Some of my alien crew members were quite fascinated by the bright lights and weird games. I even had myself some cotton candy. After about two hours, I had had my fill of the festivities and chose to seek out some solitude.

 I found myself wondering about the planet with no particular destination in mind. I sat upon a rock cliff and looked down upon the carnival that was now a distance away. I stayed there on my perch until the first sun of Tanillus began to set. I then made my way back to my base camp. As I was returning, I stumbled across a beautiful waterfall and a hot spring. I was sure to take a dip in that before we left the planet.

 By the time I reached my camp, the third sun of Tantillus had set and the evening had dawned. My night ended just as the other had. I hung out with the guys, had drinks, played cards, parted ways, pitched my tent, got comfortable, received a comm from Spock, and then attempted to fall asleep.

 “Sorry to bother you Captain,” said Spock as he peaked into the tent.

 “Spock, is something wrong?”

 “Not at all. Why do ask?”

 “Because I spoke with you just a minute ago and you were suppose to be retiring for the evening.”

 “That is why I am here. May I join you for the evening, Captain?” That's when my groggy mind realized this was fake Spock speaking. Though this manufactured toy wasn't the real Spock, which would have been a dream come true, I indulged myself.

 “Sure, come in.”

 


	2. My Mistake

When I awoke, imposter Spock was gone; I was naked and alone in my tent. It doesn't take much imagination to figure out what took place that night. That replica was magnificent. It wore me out which is why I overslept.

After reminiscing over the previous night – wishing it were the real thing – I slipped back into my clothes and peaked outside. _No Spock in sight, replica or otherwise._ Much of crew was already out and about, enjoying the last day on the planet. I figured I would do the same.

I ventured back to the waterfall and hot spring I had found the day before. To my joy it was unoccupied. I laid down my clean uniform and towel on a nearby boulder and proceeded to remove my clothing. Once I was completely naked I jumped right in.

I hadn’t skinny dipped in years and the water felt like I was in a hot tub. It was very soothing and I allowed myself to simply soak in it for several minutes before I began to bathe. When I reached for my cloth and the special organic bar of soap that a high priestess had gifted me, I saw him.

Imposter Spock was standing alone by a tree, not even ten feet away from where I was bathing. He appeared to be examining the flora surrounding the tree. He was being exactly what I expected him to be. Seeing as this was the last day on Tantillus, I decided to partake in my secret indulgence – one last time.

“Mr. Spock. Care to join me?”

“No thank you, Captain. I'm just collecting some plant and dirt samples for later experimentation and analysis.”

“No. You weren't saying that last night, Mister,” I responded as I emerged from the hot spring, naked, in all my glory. I then walked over to Spock and embraced him. My limp cock pressed against his clothed thigh while my hands explored his neck and shoulders. Surprisingly, there was no reciprocation like there had been last night. He just stood there, like a mannequin devoid of emotion. _Oh no!_

“Captain, are you alright?”

I looked up at Spock with horror. Those eyes … those real eyes showed real concern. “Oh my! Spock. It's really you. I uh … I just thought … Shit! Give me a moment.” I gathered my towel and uniform quickly. I then ducked behind some large boulders to hide myself while I dressed.

_Why? Why? He saw me nude. I was rubbing my body against his. I almost kissed him. I could lose so much because of this stupid mistake. Why did I come back this planet? I should have just stayed aboard the ship. Damn it!!_

I couldn't face him. I had courage to spare when it came to facing down Andorians, Romulans, Klingons, and all else the universe threw at me, but I could not face – Spock. _Coward._

“Captain to Mister Spock. Are you there, Spock?” I asked through my communicator.

“I am.”

“First let me apologize. I'm sorry for my behavior.”

“Apology accepted, Captain, but are you okay? What spurred these most unusual actions?”

“Well, yesterday…” I went on and told Spock what Uhuru told me. “Seeing as I could have your company without your actual presence, I purposely had the planet manufacture you.”

“And what happen then?”

“Let's just say that our actions together, or rather my actions, went from friendly to grossly inappropriate. My actions would be greatly frowned upon by Starfleet.” Spock was silent, too silent. I couldn't tell him in detail what actions had been performed with fake Spock. He would have been appalled. “Spock, are you still there?” I asked via the communicator.

“Yes. If there is nothing else, I will see you aboard the ship, Captain. I have much to consider. Spock out.”

I looked from around the boulders and saw Spock's atoms being disassembled as he was beamed aboard the Enterprise. I went back to the campsite and while there was still several hours before our departure, everyone except for me, had already boarded the ship. _Guess they didn't want too much of a good thing. Wish had I thought of that._ I broke down my tent and gathered the last of my belongings before transporting back aboard the ship. I was relieved to see that one of the engineers was manning the controls in the transporter room and not Spock.

 _Damn, I may have lost my First Officer._ _I may have lost everything._ I needed to speak with Spock again, very soon, but first I needed to spill my guts to someone. I needed emotional support. I needed to speak to the good doctor.

“Captain to Dr.McCoy. Come In doctor.”

“McCoy here. What do you need Jim?”

“Are you in your quarters? I need to speak with you.”

“Yes. I was just about to take a nap before my shift begins.”

“Hold off on the nap. I'll be right over. It won't be long.”

When I entered Bones was sprawled across his couch watching an old movie and sipping on some caramel colored liquid.

“So what's so important that I have to postpone my nap?”

“I have a confession to make Bones. I made a big mistake.”

“I'm a god damn doctor, Jim, not a priest nor a shrink for that matter!”

“Please, just listen.” I spilled the beans until there was nothing left in the can. “What do you think he'll do.”

“I don't know, Jim. He showed you no animosity yet he had to leave your presence pretty quickly. He accepted your apology yet now he has to think something through. I can't pretend to know what's going on in that hybrid brain of his. Hell, he could be in as much mental turmoil as you are. Maybe more. Though he'll never tell us.”

“How so?”

“I think he may just like you.”

“Please, that so far fetched.”

“If so, he would have no quarrels with writing you up for improper conduct at the very least, sexual harassment at the higher end. There would be nothing to think about. But just suppose he wants you emotionally but logically it's impractical in his mind. Emotionally, he may want to do what feels right – like not getting you in trouble – but logic dictates that he follow the rules and regulations set out before him by not only Starfleet, but his Vulcan heritage. He may be very conflicted, Jim.”

“I never considered any of that.” S _elfish._

“Well when one is caught with their pants down, or off in this case, one doesn't typically think clearly.”

“I need to speak with him.”

"Give him time, Jim. At least another day or two. I'm sure he's meditating or doing some Vulcan voodoo to clear his mind. I'm sure the sight of your genitalia on his leg was quite frightening.”

“You're not helping.”

“Hey, I sat through and listened, didn't I? Now if you don't mind, I still have time for that nap.”

“Okay. I'm going. Maybe I'll follow your lead and take my own nap and stop thinking about this – at least until I can talk to him.”

“Good. Now scat.”

 

 

 


	3. Decisions Decisions

For the first two days after shore leave, the only time I encountered and spoke with Spock was during our shared shift on the bridge. I did as the good doctor prescribed; I allowed Spock his time to ponder. It was on day three that Spock finally broke his silence and spoke to me.

“Captain, are you busy this evening?” he asked after reaching my captain's chair.

“No. Why do you ask.”

“Would you care for a game of chess tonight?”

“Works for me. Our usual time?”

“Yes, Captain.”

That was it – an invitation for a game of chess. It was better than nothing and damn sure better than a court-martial. I arrived at the appointed time after a shower and some dinner; Spock was already seated at thethree-tiered chest board simply waiting my arrival.

Spock's quarters were always very tidy and quite sensual in its decor. Spock tended to have soft lighting and aromatics and very light music playing in the background. There was this one evening I walked into Spock's quarters for a chess match and the room was quite dim. It was lit only by candles and there in the center of his meditation alcove was Spock dressed in a mid-length robe. He was sitting with his legs crossed in the lotus position while playing his Vulcan lute. He looked like an alien angel.

“Glad you could make, Jim.”

We played for thirty minutes in silence. Not a word was spoken between us; the tension was thick. I had a hunch Spock wanted to tell me something; he was off his game. No doubt he was preoccupied with what he was going to say and how.

"What is it, Mr. Spock?”

“Just pondering my next move, Jim.”

“There's no need to lie, Spock.”

“Vulcans do not lie.”

When I ran back his response to my question, I noticed he used words that could pertain to the chess match at hand or other unspoken matters.

“Vulcans may not lie, but they can be masters at deceit. Now please Spock, talk to me.”

“Very well, Captain. I've been thinking about the incident that happen on Tantillus during shore leave. I've been considering what action would be most appropriate to take.”

“And what have you decided?” I was scared out of my mind. Sweat was beginning to bead upon my forehead. I could see my career, my ship, my crew, and my friends being snatched away from me. I tried to remain calm.“Well?”

“I've decided to request a transfer from the Enterprise. I've done some research and I know there are three other ships to which I can provide value.”

“But Spock, you already provide value. Here. On the Enterprise – by my side. You don't have to be concerned. I would never ever attempt to pressure you into any type of relationship just because you know my feelings now. In fact, I can assure you that you will never see that side of me again. It was all an accident, Spock. I don't want to lose you, neither as my First Officer nor as my friend.”

“We will always be friends, Jim. While I don't see the logic in same sex relations, I must admit that I am flattered that you are attracted to me in that way. Nevertheless, my transfer would be more beneficial to you than my staying.”

“How so? Explain.”

“I am a distraction to you and thus a potential hazard to the others aboard this ship. I do not want my presence to impede your judgments as captain.”

“It doesn't. You balance me.” I stood up from my seat and began to pace the floor. “Spock … Spock, please think logically.”

“I am thinking logically, Captain.”

“No you are not!” I said as I placed my hands on his shoulders while he remained seated. “Spock, my feelings were only revealed to you a few days go, but I've had those feelings for quite some time. Like you, I can control my emotions – when I want to. I've been doing so for the last eighteen months. Four months after we started on this five year mission. You had no idea how deeply my feelings flowed for you until this incident. When you think back, did I ever show you special treatment? Did I ever prevent you from leading landing crews when you were the most appropriate man for the job, regardless of how dangerous it was? Did I ever lose my focus, in a time of trouble, solely because of you?” I paused to let Spock take in all that I said. “Let me help you. The answer is no. My responsibility is to this ship and everyone on it and not just you. I am the captain first. You know that.”

“I do.”

“So will you please throw out his whole idea of a transfer?”

“Yes, Captain.”

“Thank you. Now let's finish our match.”

Thirty minutes later and Spock was calling out “Check mate” and I was pleased.

 

* * *

 

 

A week later, Spock asked if I could meet him in the briefing room after my shift.

“What does this concern, Mr. Spock?”

“My transfer, Captain.”

“I thought we had settled this. Why have you changed your mind?”

“I do not wish to transfer, but I need further reassurance. Do you recall saying that 'Vulcans can be masters at deceit'?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I know that humans can be as well. I'm willing to stay, Captain, but under one condition.”

“Which is?”

“You allow me to perform a Vulcan mind probe on you.”

“For what purpose?”

“So that I can know, without doubt, that all you have said is true. That you've shown me no special treatment. That my presence has had no impact on your decisions other than the advice and services I was able to provide as your First Officer.”

“Is this really necessary? I've already made a fool of myself back on Tantillus. If you look into my mind too deeply you may wish you hadn't.”

“I'm willing to take that risk. This act will essentially make my next decision for me. It will satisfy both my Vulcan and human halves.”

“Very well. You can proceed. Should I take a seat or something?”

“Yes. Just as a precaution. Also, if you like, we can allow Dr. McCoy to be present.”

“No. No. That's not necessary. I trust you.”

I grew nervous the moment Spock drew closer to me. Then I felt both of his hands make contact with my face.

“You'll begin to feel a strange euphoria.”

Euphoria is not the term I would have chosen, but I did get a sense of joy and contentment. I could also feel a strange presence. It felt like someone was tiptoeing around my mind.

“I am here, Jim. We move together. Our minds sharing the same thoughts. Just continue to remain calm and open your mind. This will be over quickly.”

As I heard Spock speak into my psyche, I could almost feel or at least perceive my memories and thoughts moving towards the direction of his voice, which seemed to be coming from my right hand side. _I want you always at my right hand side._ I tried to block some of my more erotic fantasies and secret precious memories but seeing as I didn't actually know how this process worked, I don't know if I was successful.

Just before Spock's fingers left my face, I felt what could only be described as the aftershock of an explosion of neuroelectric discharge. When I opened my eyes I saw Spock hunched over with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. I felt a bit weak myself, but not as much so. I went over and retrieved a glass of distilled water for him, hoping it would help.He took the glass and drank its contents quickly. Now refreshed, yet still breathing deeply, he stood tall with his hands behind his back and said, “Yours is a fascinating mind, Captain.” Then he left the room as if nothing ever happened.

“As is yours, I'm sure, Mr. Spock.”

 

* * *

 

 

Later on that evening, I had dinner with Dr. McCoy. Needless to say he wasn't so keen on my letting Spock enter my mind.

“You let him do what?”

“I just told you. It was a mind meld probing sort of thing. He could access my memories and thoughts. Unfortunately, I couldn't get to any of his. I didn't know what I was doing. It's as if he had some type of mental brick wall preventing my access.”

“And I'm sure you wanted access,” said Dr. McCoy as he began scanning me with the medical device he always kept on hand.

“Bones, I'm fine.”

“I'll be the judge of that. So go on.”

“What seemed like a blink of an eye was actually five full minutes of our minds were connected together. For some reason, I think if we had stayed melded just a little longer, his wall may have crumbled. Maybe, just maybe, I could have taken a glimpse inside.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Because when he broke contact with me, he was hunched over, trying to breath and he needed water, as if he were dehydrated. He looked like the wind had been knocked out of him, like he had been tackled by a linebacker.”

“I'll check on him later,” said Bones with a laugh.

“And what do you find funny, Doctor?”

“Only you can make a Vulcan gasp for breath just by reading your dirty mind.”

“Spock said it was fascinating.”

“I'm sure he did,” chuckled Bones.

 


	4. The Logical Choice

Three days had past since the mind meld with Spock. There was no further discussion about transfers and during our shifts together, Spock seemed even more stoic than usual, if that's possible. That made me a little upset. _Irrational, yes, I know._ My crises were averted but a part of me still wished that Spock would have reciprocated my feelings and emotions now that everything was out in the open. After all, I shared my mind with him. _Oh well, such is life._

Today, on our way to a new found planet, we passed alongside an asteroid belt found between the orbits of planets Juniperus and Mazus. The timing couldn't have been more perfect because my shift was over and I could head to the observation deck and enjoy it. It was a spectacular view and quite peaceful a scene, like being on the balcony of a cruise ship enjoying the open sea. It was so serene that I fell soundly asleep. It was the voice of Commander Spock that later awakened me.

“Enjoying yourself, Captain?”

“Yes, maybe a little too much,” I replied as I stretched and began rubbing my aching neck.

“Is something wrong?”

“Yeah, a little kink in my neck is all.”

“Does this help?”

The sensation of his firm fingers pressing into the back of my neck jolted me to stand.

“Thank you, Mr.Spock, but that's not necessary.”

“Are you sure – Captain?”

“Only if it's what … you … want to do.”

“Shall we continue this somewhere more private?”

“Wherever you feel most comfortable.”

“My quarters then.”

“Lead he way, Commander.”

Spock escorted me to his cabin and ushered me in. I had no idea where this was going.

_But you have high hopes._

I don't know why I was so nervous.

_Yes you do._

I've been in Spock's quarters on numerous occasions, often well into the evening hours.

_True, but you're not her_ _e_ _to play chess tonight._

I felt like a child skipping class with a friend in order to fool around.

_As you should._

I just hoped we didn't get caught like children.

_We_ _won't. We?_

The voice inside my head was not my own.

“Spock are you speaking to me telepathically?”

“All will be explained, Jim. Please, remove your shirt and take a seat.”

“Are you sure?”

“Quite.”

The majority would not have seen the glint of arousal in Spock's eyes, but I did. That is why I took my shirt off slowly. Instead of simply pulling it over my arms and head all at once, I took the left arm out first and then the right and then I slipped it over my head and finally I handed it to Spock. He was staring. I simply smiled and took my seat.

Spock began the massage with my neck. Then his firm hands moved to my shoulders and upper back. He was taking his time and making he way slowly down my body. It felt so good.

“I can provide you with a better experience if you lie down. Come, follow me.”

Spock took me by the hand, led me to an adjacent room, and presented me with his bed. I was having mixed emotions but I indulged, nevertheless. I lied down on my stomach with my head facing his bureau and my eyes shut, quietly awaiting his touch. I felt when Spock mounted the bed. Our bodies weren't in contact – yet – but I could feel his presence above me and it was slowly descending upon me.

When Spock finally began the massage anew, he was kneeling down by my feet. I could tell because I felt no pressure on my legs nor my back other than his strong, slick hands. He must have retrieved some massage oil while my eyes were closed. Now with his hands coated in that warm viscous fluid, I melted as he molded and manipulated my flesh. All my tension, emotional and otherwise, was gone. At least until I felt his hands on my thigh, just beneath my derriere.

“Please, remain relaxed.”

I tried, but even with my pants on, having Spock's hands so close to my nether regions was reason for panic. I didn't know what his intentions were. I didn't know how far he was going to go with all of this. I didn't know how to act or what to say or do. Yes, I thought I saw arousal in his eyes earlier but what if that were a mistake? What if it were just wishful, lustful thinking?

_Oh god! I don't want to assume the wrong thing, Spock._ I felt like I was going to shed a tear.

“You need not worry, Jim. Let me relieve you of your doubts.”

Then … _oh god! …_ he gripped my glutes firmly. He massaged my mounds like they were balls of dough in his hands. Next, he slowly slid his slick palms up my back as he pressed his pelvis against my rear. Then he kissed me endearingly on the neck. I had nothing left to fear.

When Spock had finished with my neck, I wiggled and turned over underneath him. Now I was able to see his face, look into his eyes, and feel his non-verbalized emotions; emotions that weren't there with the android. I wrapped my arms around him and he lowered his chest to mine and I finally shared a kiss, a real kiss, with the real Spock.

“I suspect that your tension is gone. Do you wish to continue?” said Spock with faint, ever so faint, grin on his face.

“As if you don't already know answer.” Spock leaned in to continue but I placed a hand upon his hairy chest. “But first we need to talk.”

“Now whose being the party pooper, Captain?”

I laughed and gave him another kiss. “I thought you didn't know what that phrase meant.”

“I didn't. I simply had the computer look it up.”

 

* * *

 

 

A few minutes later we were in the small sitting area where we usually play chess. I was drinking a decaffeinated coffee and Spock, an herbal tea. We both had to settle down our libidos in order to have any chance of an intelligent conversation.

“So, what's gotten into you, Commander? And how were you hearing my thoughts and speaking into my mind without any physical contact?”

“First, the easier question. I am able to speak to you telepathically because during the mind probe that I performed, a very informal link was formed between our minds. It would have been stronger had I completely lowered my mental shields. I only knew of the link's existence when I lowered them to meditate and consequently heard some of your thoughts while you were resting next door.”

“Can I hear yours?”

“With practice. When I allow it.”

“Can I speak with you through my thoughts?”

“Yes. You may try now, if you wish.”

_You have very skilled hands, Mr. Spock._

_Thank you. I have so much more to show you._

I felt the blush fill my face and that son of a vulcan had a nerve to be smirking,  really smirking.  He was enjoying this.

“Okay. Moving on.”

“The first question is a bit more difficult to explain, but I'll try to keep my logic simple.”

“Thank you. It is greatly appreciated.”

“During the linking of our minds I saw more than I needed. I was able to verify that all you said was true. My presence has never impeded your judgment and I have in fact provided much value to you and the crew as a whole.”

Spock had to take a deep breath. Now he was the one blushing; there was a green tinge very much apparent on his pale cheeks. What he was about to say next I expected to be a doosie.

“Please, continue.”

“Yes, very well. I saw some of your fantasies, involving me. More importantly, I saw – in detail – what you did on Tantillus. I saw the chess game. I saw your first evening together. I saw the copulation that ensued the following evening. And I saw what you had in mind when you approached me at the hot spring by the waterfall. You may recall that when I broke the mind probe I was panting.”

“Yes. What happened?”

“I experienced an orgasm.”

“You what? Really? Just by reading my mind?”

“Your mind is quite vivid. I found your fantasies extremely stimulating.”

“Wow.”

“Shall I continue?”

“Yes.”

“After the probe, I expressed my concern to my father about the incident. I wanted to know if my bodily reaction was natural or not, but I did not mention your name.”

“Oh thank you.”

“He said that while same sex coupling is illogical, biologically speaking, men of Vulcan have been known to form bonds between each other. The bond is usually formed due to shared admiration, appreciation, and attraction to one another, particularly to those who have served together on the battle field. In days long past, when Vulcan was a savage place, it was considered the warrior bond. This type of bond was even noted to have existed between men who were already bonded to women. It's that strong. He believes that the link formed would have developed into that bond had I lowered my defenses and allowed you to enter my mind fully, a true Vulcan mind meld – a complete merge of two minds into one.”

“Are you saying you want to form a bond with me?”

“I am saying that it's illogical for either if us to settle for secret indulgences with mechanical contrivances when we have each other. Additionally, our bonding would be beneficial to all, even the crew. We work better together. I see that now. After much consideration, I've determined that bonding is the logical choice. It's definitely my choice. However, the final choice is yours.”

“What does bonding entail? What does it require on my part?”

“It requires complete devotion; bonding is permanent. There is no breaking the bond. Even in death you will always feel an inkling of my presence within yours and vice versa. Also, Vulcans can be very possessive and at times … jealous, a remnant of our heritage; so you must mind your manners in the presence of beautiful women.”

“I believe I can meet your requirements. As long as we both remember our obligations to our mission, this ship, and its crew.”

“Agreed.”

I stood and walked behind Spock's chair. Then I whispered into his ear.  “ Now that we're on the same page, l et's continue where you left off.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Moments later, I was in my briefs, back on Spock's bed, and Mr. Literal had his pelvis pressed against my ass, his hands on my shoulders, and his lips on my neck. Just where he had left off before I insisted on turning over. He then proceeded to sprinkle kisses down my spine. Once he reached my briefs he paused.

I turned and looked over my shoulder. Spock was flush. If he had had the glands to do so, I'm sure he would have been sweating.

“Spock, are you okay?”

“Yes, just regaining control. I apologize for my weakness.”

“Right now, control is illogical and weakness results in pleasure,” I said with a smile. “Do whatever you want to do.”

Spock quickly pulled down my briefs just enough to expose my ass. He kissed my left cheek. Then he licked it. Then he bit it and smacked it with his strong hand.

“Oww, I wasn't expecting that.”

_I don't know what possessed me to do that._

_Don't worry. Do it again._

He repeated his actions on my right side and before long Spock had his face buried in my ass.

_What has come over me? I'm licking your anus and enjoying it._

_As long as your enjoying it, please continue._

“Oh yes, Spock.”

He continued as I had ask for several more minutes then he had me turn over. While his tongue was incredible, I absolutely loved staring into his eyes the most. His eyes revealed that it was really and truly him and not some replica. He, the real Spock, was nibbling on my earlobes. He was sucking on my nipples. He was fondling my cock through the synthetic cotton fabric. He was clearly enjoying his exploration of my body.

“You can take them off, if you like.” Spock just met my eyes and then looked back down upon my erection. “It's not going to bite.”

“I would certainly hope not.”

Spock brought his face close to my crotch. Then he pulled off my briefs completely and my cock greeted him cheerfully with a smack against his cheek as it sprang forward. He then grasp it firmly and gave it a tentative taste.

“More Spock!" I commanded as I grip his shiny black hair. "You can't just lick it once. That's torment. You gotta dive right in. Taste and take the whole thing.”

My first officer followed orders very well. He brought his mouth down over my entire engorged cock. He went so far down I thought he was going to engulf my scrotum along with it.

He was down there for awhile. I couldn't even see his face, obscured by my blond pubic hair as it was. After he finally came up for air he asked, “Why do you writhe beneath me? Am I not pleasing you?”

“You're doing great. Too well in fact. I just don't want it to end too soon. Let's change positions.”

For the next quarter of an hour I got to know Spock's body. The removal of his clothing alone felt surreal and bizarre. I literally pinched my self twice to make sure it wasn't a dream. I pinched Spock too and was happy to find that his nipples were highly sensitive. After sucking him off and rimming him, I asked permission to go one step further.

“Spock, may I?”

“Yes.”

I didn't have to finish my request because Spock was receiving my thoughts.

Spock's bed had no headboard, so I had him brace himself against the wall. I entered his body raw and unprepared. Now in place, I hooked my arms underneath his with my palms resting on his shoulders for leverage. There was much initial pain for him, I could feel it. I gave him all the time he needed to adjust. After several minutes of just holding him close and soothing him with kisses, I began to thrust.

“Oh Captain! Jim, please, more. You fill me perfectly.”

“Ohh yeah, you feel great. You envelope me in warmth.”

“More movement ... Ohh yesss. Thank you.”

I continued until Spock informed me that he was about to release. Before he could, I pulled out and had him lie down on his back.

“You know what? New plan. This bed is far too small. I need you on the floor.”

Spock took a pillow to lay his head upon. Then he lied down on the heated floor.

“Spread your legs as far as you comfortably can.”

Spock was more flexible than I knew. Once he was comfortable, I stroked my cock a few times and then entered him fully in one continuous movement. This time his body was far more receiving; I grabbed him by the ankles and began to thrust.

I started off slowly, wanting to feel every ridge, bump and groove his body had to offer. I then sped up a bit, causing Spock to moan my name as he fondled my ass and stroked my thighs. When I finally reached level three, Spock had his eyes clenched tight and his mouth open though no sounds were emitted.

When he gained back his ability to speak, he called out to me. “JIMmm ... I'm about to release. Please, come closer.”

I allowed his legs to drop down to my sides and I drew my body closer to his. Then he placed both hands on my face while I began grinding against him.

“Our minds. Together as one.”

Suddenly, I had that euphoric, dreamy feeling again. I could feel Spock everywhere and unlike the first time I could now perceive his thoughts and emotions. All of his mental barriers were removed and I could feel our link becoming a bond. Strong. Permanent. Every physical sensation was amplified. Not only that but I could feel what Spock felt. If it felt good. If it hurt. I felt it too. We were one.

When our two essences seemed to merge in the center, his coming from the right and mine from the left, it was like a star exploded. All things were illuminated and everything came to a crest. We came hard with the help of the mind meld. The sensation felt like we were falling from space back into the atmosphere burning up upon re-entry. When I finally opened my eyes, I nearly collapsed onto Spock and he held me tightly. We felt no need to get off the floor; only to rest in each others arms.

For eighteen months, I longed for Spock. Now my lust and my love and ever other emotion had finally been reciprocated. He was now mine, forever. There was no longer a need for secret indulgences.

_May we both live long and prosper – together. (Spirk)_

 

The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mind pictured the original cast of Star Trek when writing this. Hoped you enjoyed it regardless of which cast of actors you had in mind when reading.


End file.
